Eli - Leader of Eli-Qaeda

This is Jim. I've recently discovered something about my daughter. She is the leader of a terror group. As Darth Chicken, she is leading the Eli-Qaeda group, whose objective is the overthrow of Mom and Dad's parenting stewardship.

She is fighting the war from within the family ranks and leading a successful campaign. She has both Danielle and me held captive with no release in sight. We aren't even allowed a one hour exercise break on most days. She is using effective interrogation techniques to learn our parenting styles and skills. Techniques such as incessant loud noises, sleep deprivation, and stink bombs are being deployed mercilessly. 

Danielle and I are plotting our escape through various means, but fear Darth Chicken may have already gleaned too much information to make the escape possible. We will do our best to hold out and fight the good fight. Eli-Qaeda must be stopped, for the good of the world! Grandparents everywhere will need Eli-Qaeda destroyed in order to want Darth Chicken around. Keep us in your prayers, we need them. Darth Chicken must not win!

May the force be with us.

Prisoners 1112542 and 1112543

Don't let her cuteness fool you... That's how we were captured...